SPARK #07
Because sometimes it is not ambition driving you, but the fear that you cannot afford to stumble.
Perfectionism in leadership. When ambition becomes fear in disguise
For years, perfection was one of my trademarks. Always high, even exacting standards. Perfectly developed strategies, prepared for several scenarios and, of course, one more check before anything left my hands. Great work.
For a very long time, that is how I explained it to myself: I am ambitious, demanding, responsible. I simply care about quality. But over time I began to notice something else. Behind part of this “ambition” there was not always a need to do something really well. I started to wonder: was it sometimes fear standing behind it?
That I would miss something.
That I would make a mistake.
That someone would spot a gap.
That the result would not be good enough.
That I … would not be good enough!
That is exactly why I increasingly think of perfectionism not as a character trait, but as a strategy for coping with risk, judgement and our own sense of safety.
Not every high standard is perfectionism, but perfectionism can very easily disguise itself as a high standard.
Then ambition whispers from our right shoulder: I want to do this well, while perfectionism on the left says: I cannot do this badly!
The difference between these messages, which after all we tell ourselves, is huge. Ambition mobilises us; it lets us try, improve, learn and raise the bar. Unfortunately, perfectionism much more often works differently. We no longer focus only on the quality of the result; we start protecting ourselves from something we do not want to feel: a mistake, judgement, loss of control, disappointment or the feeling that “we didn't deliver”.
That is why you can spend hours polishing a presentation that was good enough three versions ago. You can put off a decision because “we need one more set of data”. You can avoid delegating because “it'll be quicker to do it myself”. You can interfere in every detail of your team's work and call it caring about quality. You can hold back from publishing, proposing or starting, because it is not ready yet. Sound familiar?
The question I asked myself, and which I recommend you ask yourselves, is: are we really raising quality, or just lowering our own level of risk?
A leader's perfectionism often looks like responsibility
That is probably one of the reasons why it is so hard to see in ourselves. After all, it does not arrive holding a sign saying: “I'm afraid”. It arrives far more elegantly; we tell ourselves: “I need to be sure”, “let's check it once more”, “I'd rather see it before it goes out”, “Let's make one more small correction”. Each of these sentences may be completely justified.
The problem begins when we stop asking whether additional control really improves the quality of the decision, and start needing it to feel safer ourselves.
That is when perfectionism can look like:
· responsibility, although underneath there is a need for control;
· a high standard, although it is really about fear of judgement;
· thoroughness, although the decision is already good enough;
· strategic thinking, although in reality we are putting off the moment of choice.
And this is where perfectionism stops being just a personal habit.
It starts to create a system for how we operate, and, unfortunately, a repeatable one.
What does a leader's perfectionism do to the team?
A leader is rarely a perfectionist only “for themselves”. An organisation very quickly learns what the leader rewards, what they do not tolerate and at what level of uncertainty they start taking over the controls. If every proposal has to be polished almost to completion before it reaches the leader, people start showing ideas later. If a mistake is analysed for longer than a success, people start minimising risk. If the boss will always find something else to improve, the team may stop knowing when the work is really finished. If a decision goes back to the leader because they will “just take one more look”, the organisation starts to wait… And paradoxically, a person who wants to ensure the highest quality can create a system that works more slowly, more cautiously and with less ownership on the part of others.
So a leader's perfectionism has its cost.
Not only an emotional one.
An operational one, too.
Perfection can become a very expensive form of control
In business, almost nothing happens with complete certainty. We do not have complete data. We do not know every market reaction. We do not know whether a new person will succeed in their role. We cannot predict every consequence of a strategic decision…. And yet we have to choose.
And this is exactly where perfectionism gets particularly in the way, because it promises something that business reality cannot deliver: a moment when we will know enough to have no regrets. Very often that moment never comes, because we have created a system for ourselves which, as I wrote earlier, is repeatable; it is our pattern - our calling card of “quality”...
That is why, the higher we are in an organisation, the more important it becomes not to be able to eliminate risk, but to make responsible decisions despite it. That is a big difference. A mature leader does not say: “I am certain.” More often they say: “I have enough to make this decision. I know what I don't know yet. I understand the risk. And I choose.” No, it is not easy.
High standards and perfectionism are not the same thing
I am not encouraging sloppiness. After all, “good enough” does not mean “anything goes”, does it? There are situations in which precision is critical. There are decisions in which a mistake carries an enormous cost. There are projects in which an additional check is not only sensible but necessary. The problem is not a high standard. The problem is being unable to recognise the moment when the standard has already been met and further polishing mainly serves our own tension.
That is why you can ask yourself a very simple question: What will the next iteration actually improve?
If the answer is: quality, safety, the result, the customer experience - keep working. But if the answer starts to sound more like: “I'll feel calmer”, “I don't want anyone to pick holes in it”, “I'd rather be absolutely sure”, then it is worth checking whether we are trying to solve an emotion with another hour of work.
Perfectionism and decisions: when “a little more” becomes avoidance
This is probably the most insidious version of perfectionism.
It does not look like paralysis.
It looks like work.
We read more materials.
We compare.
We refine.
We ask one more person.
We build another variant.
We add a scenario.
And we are busy all the time.
Except that the decision has still not been made.
That is why one of the more important strategic questions can sometimes be:
Am I still improving the quality of the decision, or am I just putting off the moment when I will have to take responsibility for it?
Because a choice always closes something off, and perfectionism really does not like closing off options. As long as I am analysing, everything is still possible. Only when I choose does the risk appear that I could have chosen differently.
How do you work with a leader's perfectionism?
I do not believe in the simple advice: “let it go”. If it were enough to tell a perfectionist to stop being a perfectionist, the problem would be solved.
For me, four steps are far more useful:
Notice. Separate. Define. Let go.
→Notice when the need for another correction, more control or another check is arising.
→Separate a real quality requirement from your own tension. What really needs refining, and what is only meant to reduce your discomfort?
→Define, before you start, what “good enough” means in this situation. How will you know that the decision, presentation, project or analysis is ready?
And then… →Let go.
→ Send it. →Decide. →Hand it over. Let someone do something differently from you. See what happens.
That last one is the hardest, because perfectionism very often does not need another tool. It needs the experience that the world does not fall apart when we do not control everything.
The higher you are, the more your perfectionism stops being yours alone. For me, this is particularly important in leadership.
Early in your career, perfectionism may even help. Thanks to it, we deliver. We are prepared. We notice details. We build a reputation as someone who can be relied on. And that is exactly why it is so hard to notice the moment when the same strategy starts to have a flip side.
At a higher level of responsibility, it is no longer only about the quality of your own work. It is about whether others can act, decide and take responsibility without constantly filtering their work through us.
If everything has to go through the leader, the leader is no longer a guarantor of quality; in truth, they become a constraint on the system. And if people feel that only a perfectly prepared idea is worth showing, the organisation may lose something far more valuable than flawlessness: speed, experimentation, courage and learning.
Pause wisely: before you correct something yet again
Before you click “edit” for the tenth time today, stop for a moment.
And check:
- What in this situation really requires a high standard, and what is my need for control?
- What am I trying to prove, and to whom?
- What would be the real cost of the mistake I am trying so hard to avoid?
- Will another hour of work change the result, or just reduce my tension?
- Where is my perfectionism blocking a decision, delegation or action today?
- What would I do differently if I did not have to prove anything to anyone?
- What does “good enough” look like in this specific situation?
Because perfectionism does not always say openly: “I want to be the best.” Sometimes it speaks so quietly that we pretend not to hear it: “I don't want to be caught being human.” So perhaps that is exactly what is worth facing? Not to lower our standards, but to stop paying a price for them that no one ever asked of us.
Perfection does not give certainty. It gives momentary relief
This is probably my most important reflection.
Perfection does not protect us from mistakes. It does not protect us from criticism. It does not guarantee success. Often it only gives momentary relief: I did a little more, so maybe now I am safe. But a moment later the next thing comes along. And the next. And the next. And the next…
That is why I no longer want to ask only: “Can I do this even better?”
A much more interesting question is: “Does this really need more of my energy, or just less of my fear?”
Because high standards can build quality.
But a leader cannot wait for all risk to disappear.
They have to be able to see enough.
Choose. And move.
SEE BEYOND. LEAD.
CoachART Sparks - small fires, big reflections.
